I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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