i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
