I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
