everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
