could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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