he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
