they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
