The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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