Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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