just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
