he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
