Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
