The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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