anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
