drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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