I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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