I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
