After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
