I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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