I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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