We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
