She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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