Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
