All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
