dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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