if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
