Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
