I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
