It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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