i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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