she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
