I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
