all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
