i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize