just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
