She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
