I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
