How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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