one two three fourrrrnication!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
