he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
