the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize