Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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