he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
