I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
