dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
