She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
