when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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