Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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