I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
where are my eyebrows?
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