Your tits are I can't wait for
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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