As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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