Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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