I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
