you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
