I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
