i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
