Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
