I'm really into asian looking animals
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
