tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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