why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
