I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
