I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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