You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
