Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
