Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
