bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
