i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
